


Heffalumps and Woozles

by ButtKickingForGoodness



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Heffalumps, Horror, Jon runs away, M/M, What Have I Done, and Woozles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 06:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21222287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButtKickingForGoodness/pseuds/ButtKickingForGoodness
Summary: He's quick and slick and insincere!





	Heffalumps and Woozles

**Author's Note:**

> Don't think to hard while reading this, because I sure didn't think too hard while writing it.
> 
> *now actually proofread, since I didn’t actually do that before posting the first time*

Jon jerks awake with a start, a shout of _Beware_ echoing in his mind even as he starts to take in his surroundings. He must have fallen asleep at his desk again, especially if the ache in his back is anything to go by. Sighing, he blinks and rubs the sleep from his eyes.

Suddenly, three clay pots materialize in front of him with a pop. He stares at them, wondering what Peter Lukas could possibly gain from keeping pots in the lonely, when one of them starts to talk.

“_Beware_,” it says. Jon throws himself backwards out of his chair with a shout of alarm. The pots leap forward with a loud clack, and Jon scrambles around his desk. The pots are still chattering behind him when Jon bursts through the door and comes face to face with Elias. Jon yelps and dashes down a side corridor, the pots hot on his heels.

They’re babbling maniacally now, something about being quick and slick and insincere. Their voices overlap, and Jon isn’t sure he could pick them apart if he wanted to. He definitely doesn’t want to. He reaches the door to the break room and slips inside, locking the door behind him. He slumps to the floor, exhausted even from the short sprint. Now’s not the time to be angry at himself for smoking, though. He’s got bigger things to worry about. Heaving in an unsteady breath, Jon looks up.

There’s a giant green eye starting back at him. It’s absolutely massive, hovering in the middle of the break room and staring down at Jon. Jon goes absolutely still, but the eye just continues to stare. It’s actually kind of familiar? Jon is debating reaching for the door handle when the realization hits him. It’s _Elias’s_ eye.

Jon’s decision to reach for the door handle is easy now. He surges to his feet and throws open the door to the hallway. He sees that it’s empty and starts to hurry down the hallway to the stairs. If he can just get to the door, then he should be able to make it out of the institute.

Luck is not on his side. He turns another corner, and nearly runs into Elias. Except, this time there are two of him, and as Jon stares in shock they split into four.

Right.

Jon takes off running again, this time angling for the back staircase. There’s a moment when he thinks the chattering pots are back, but the sound soon fades. Breathing heavily, Jon stumbles to a halt outside the door to the staircase. Everything is quiet, and he takes a moment to catch his breath.

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he whirls around with a shout.

“Jon?” Martin says, his face lined with concern. “Is everything alright?”

Jon just stares at him in shock. It’s been three months since he’s even seen Martin, let alone spoken to him. He looks pretty okay, all things considered. A bit pale, but it’s not like any of them have been getting out much.

“Jon,” Martin says again, and Jon realizes he’s been starting. “What’s going on?”

“Elias,” Jon manages to say, the words sticking in his throat. “Elias is back. We need to get out of here.” He fumbles at the sleeve of Martin’s jumper and tries to tug him towards the stairs.

Whatever his feelings for Jon may have been at that moment, the mention of Elias clearly rattles Martin, and he follows Jon easily as they rush up the first flight of stairs. They’ve just reached the second landing when there’s a tug on the hand that Martin had been holding, and Jon looks back to see Elias dragging a struggling Martin back down the stairs. Martin’s much larger than Elias and should be able to throw him off without an issue, but Elias has an arm snaked around Martin’s chest and nothing Martin can do seems to be able to shake him loose. Jon leaps after them with a cry, but something grabs onto him and yanks him back onto the landing. Jon thrashes in it’s grip, but another arm winds under his arm and behind his neck, pinning him in place.

“Settle down, Jon,” Elias growls in his ear. Jon continues to struggle, and the arm around him tightens, forcing his head down and cutting off his view of Martin. The sound of the lower doors slamming shut cuts through his panic, and he slumps in Elias’s grasp. Elias hold him still for another moment, waiting to see how Jon will react, before carefully removing the half Nelson and allowing Jon to stand back up.

“What’s going on?” Jon asks fearfully. He doesn’t dare put any compulsion behind it.

“Nothing you need concern yourself with,” Elias replies, straightening his polka-dot bow tie. “Now I suggest you get back to your office before it’s too late.”

“What have you done to Martin?” Jon pleads.

Elias frowns angrily. “Run along, Jon. Go back to your office.”

Jon finds himself turning and trudging down the stairs before he has a chance to object. He looks around hopefully when he passes through the lower doors, but there’s no sign of Martin or Elias. The other Elias is still standing on the upper landing, watching, so Jon starts back towards his office. As he passes the door to the break room, a figure emerges. Jon jumps, startled, but it’s just-

“Martin?” Jon asks breathlessly.

Martin gives him a small smile. There’s a bruise forming on right cheekbone, and he’s favoring his left arm, but otherwise he seems alright.

“Oh my goodness, Martin!” Jon exclaims, immediately wrapping Martin in a tight hug. “What happened? How did you get away?” he says, his words muffled by Martin’s jumper.

Martin returns the hug, enveloping Jon in his warmth. “I, uh, I punched him in the nose, and then he just. _vanished_,” he says with a small laugh.

Jon reluctantly lets go and pulls back to look Martin in the eyes. “Good. He deserved it.”

Martin smiles again, and Jon feels something inside him give. “Come on,” he says. “I need to get back to my office.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Martin asks.

Jon shakes his head. “Absolutely not. But Elias ordered me to and, well, I’m not sure I’ve got much of a choice.”

“Well, I’m certainly not letting you go back there alone,” Martin says, taking Jon’s hand again.

They start off back down the corridor. There’s a moment when Jon thinks he hears the pots again, and as it grows louder, something taps Jon on the shoulder. Jon jumps, and turns around, just in time to see Elias reach out from one of Helen’s doors and grab Martin. Jon lunges forward, but the door slams shut and Jon is left alone again with nothing but Helen’s laughter echoing in his ears. Her laughter, and the gilded mirror that has appeared on the wall.

Apprehensively, Jon approaches the mirror. Inside the glass he sees a stage in almost total blackout, the only light a dim spotlight that follows two figures dancing. The sound of a calliope drifts in from a great distance, and Jon abruptly recognizes Elias leading Martin in a grotesque parody of a waltz. Then, in the corner of the stage, he sees Tim, detonator in hand. As Jon watches, Tim crosses to center stage, the two dancers seemingly unaware. Tim looks up, makes eye contact with Jon, and presses the button.

An explosion rocks the institute, and Jon falls to his knees. When he climbs back up, the mirror is cracked, and the images inside are gone. He reaches out to touch the mirror and meets only glass.

Sighing, Jon turns and limps back towards his office. The pots are definitely back now, their chanting growing louder, but Jon can’t bring himself to hurry. He manages to stay on his feet, but only just. Whatever the explosion was has affected his equilibrium, and every step he takes feels like falling.

Another explosion rips through the building, and Jon jerks awake. He’s soaking wet, huddled on the floor of his office. Cold water drips down on him from the overturned kettle on his desk, and the building shakes with the rumble thunder outside. Jon eases himself to his feet and looks himself over. The bruises from where Elias had grabbed him are gone, and the dust from the explosion is nowhere to be seen. Looking around, he finds his office in perfect order, just the way he left it before setting in for a few hours of sleep. There’s no sign of the strange pots to be found, no matter how hard he searches.

Sighing, Jon rights the kettle and starts to mop up the mess. Whatever that dream had been, he hopes that it stays far, far away.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first interaction between Martin and Jon that I have written and I'm very disappointed in myself. 
> 
> Still confused? Me too. This should clear things up.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axPPL1FO5mU


End file.
